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Showing posts from July 23, 2017

The Old Dog

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Absolutely brilliant.....this will delight you...

(Thanks to my friend, C A Shivanand Gaitonde, for sharing it...)

A German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits & before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him & slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!" Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby…

The Black Telephone.......

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The Black Telephone.......

"When I was a young boy, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the Wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it. Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was "Information Please" & there was nothing she did not know. "Information Please" could supply anyone's number & the correct time. My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day, while my mother was visiting a neighbour. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer; the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy. I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly,…

Dedicated to you O Intelligent one for appropriate answers

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Dedicated to you O Intelligent one for appropriate answers :

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? (I like this one alot!)
12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked…

A light hearted view on the life cycle - "Being a Senior, means Being a Seenager!"

A light hearted view on the life cycle - "Being a Senior, means Being a Seenager!"

I just discovered my age group!
I am a Seenager.....(senior teenager)
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50 years later.
I don't have to go to school or work; I get an allowance every month.
I have my own pad, I don't have a curfew, I have a driver's license & my own car.
I have IDs that gets me into bars & the wine store - I like the wine store the best.
People I hang around with, are not scared of getting pregnant, they're not scared of anything, they've been blessed to live this long, so why be scared? And I don't have acne. Life is good! You'll feel much more intelligent after reading this, if you are a Seenager.
Brains of older people are slow, because they know so much. People do not decline mentally with age; it just takes them longer to recall facts, because they have more information in their brains. Scientists believe, this also makes yo…

Let her take her time.....

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Let her take her time.....

* When she takes her time to drink a barely warm cup of tea, let her. She's given her time to cook your meal & serve it to you before she sat to drink her tea.
* When she takes time to select a dish from the menu, let her. Every day, for every meal she has prepared she has given her time to think about what to make, how much & for whom.
* When she takes time to dress up to go out with you, let her. She has given her time to make sure that your ironed clothes are in their place & knows better than you, where your socks are. She has dressed up her child thoughtfully, to look like the most smartly dressed up child around.
* When she takes time to watch TV mindlessly, let her. She is only half concentrating & has a clock ticking in her head. As soon as it's nearing dinner time, you'll see her disappear to get things ready.
* When she takes time to serve you breakfast, let her. She has kept aside the burnt toast for herself & is taking…

Eulogy on Vinod Khanna

Eulogy on Vinod Khanna, written by Mr. Amitabh Bachchan, on his blog! (Very touching.....)

"Motionless .. still .. eyes shut in perpetuity .. a form on wooden logs .. covered .. flames about .. & a life turned to ashes ..
I first saw him entering the Ajanta Arts office in Bandra, of Sunil Dutt, where I was making my way to seek a job .. a most good looking handsome young man .. a body in elegant frame .. a swagger in his walk .. & a gentle smile as he looked towards me ..It was 1969 .. he was working in the Ajanta Arts film, ‘Man ka Meet’ .. I was struggling to get a role, any role, anywhere ..
In time we met again within the same precincts .. he and I were working in the same film of Dutt Saheb, ‘Reshma aur Shera’ .. look trials in the office of the film .. travel & sittings on the story .. Thapa saheb, Ali Raza, Sukhdev & those all night meets, most novel for me .. my first brush with the way the film industry functioned .. the time for the shoot and the excitemen…

A clean house is a sign of a wasted life....

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A clean house is a sign of a wasted life....
(Makes interesting & thoughtful reading)...

A layer of dust protects the wood beneath it. 'A house becomes a home when you can write, 'I love you', on the furniture.’ I used to spend at least 8 hours every weekend, making sure things were just perfect - 'in case someone came over'. Finally I realized one day, that no-one came over; they were all out living life & having fun! Now, when people visit, I don't have to explain the 'condition' of my home. They are more interested in hearing about the things I've been doing while I was away living life & having fun.
If you haven't figured this out yet, please read this.
Life is short.
Enjoy it!


* Dust if you must......but wouldn't it be better to paint a picture or write a letter, bake cookies or a cake & lick the spoon or plant a seed, ponder the difference between want & need?
* Dust if you must.....but there's not much time .....wi…

Yes, we didn't have the green thing back then.....

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Yes, we didn't have the green thing back then.....

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman that she should bring her own shopping bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment. The woman apologized & explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."
The cashier responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save the environment for future generations."
* * She was right - our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.
Back then, we returned milk bottles, coke bottles & beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed & sterilized & refilled, so they could use the same bottles over & over. Yes, they really were recycling.
We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen & we replaced the razor blades in the razor, instead of throwing away the whole razor, just because the blade got …

Work of Steven Wright

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If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning & all of my stuff had been stolen & replaced by exact duplicates."
Steven sees things differently than most of us.
Here are some of his gems:
1. - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2. - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3. - Half the people you know, are below average.
4. - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. - A conscience is what hurts, when all your other parts feel so good.
6. - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
7. - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.
8. - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
9. - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
10. - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
11. - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
12. - How do you tell when you're out of in…

The flag does not fly because of the wind....

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The flag does not fly because of the wind....

There was a boy called Ayush Yadav. He was a field Captain in the Indian Army. You can tell a service officer, that they are different from others when they stand in a group of boys of the same age. It is not the hair cut that stands out. It is the honour that the uniform brings that makes them stand out. When most boys of their age are refining their resumes for a job, these boys chose a life that embeds honour as a way of life.
* Honour in uniform.
* Honour in society.
* Honour to stand guard for the motherland.
* Honour in being a soldier.
Uniform portrays purpose, duty & makes you responsible to the trust that the 125 crore people bestow in you. That trust is a very big purpose to bear.
This boy, “An Officer & a Gentleman”, stood ground & as a true soldier lived & died guarding that trust. The slow march of six officers of the same rank in ceremonial uniform as pall bearers carried the coffin that contained the mortal remai…

"John is my heart"........

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"John is my heart"........

(An emotive article by a father, Frank Schaeffer, in the Washington Post.)

"Before my son became a Marine, I never thought much about who was defending me. Now when I read of the war on terrorism, or the coming conflict in Iraq, it cuts to my heart. When I see a picture of a member of our military who has been killed, I read his or her name very carefully. Sometimes I cry.
In 1999, when the barrel-chested Marine recruiter showed up in dress blues & bedazzled my son John, I did not stand in the way. John was headstrong & he seemed to understand these stern, clean men with straight backs & flawless uniforms. I did not. I live in the Volvo-driving, higher education-worshiping North Shore of Boston. I write novels for a living. I have never served in the military. It had been hard enough sending my two older children off to Georgetown & New York University. John's enlisting was unexpected, so deeply unsettling. I did not relish t…

"Happiness is a state of mind".....

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"Happiness is a state of mind".....

A guy met one of his school-mates several years after school & he could not believe his eyes - his friend was driving one of the latest sleek Mercedes Benz cars. He went home feeling awful & very disappointed with himself. He thought he was a failure.
* What he didn't know was that his friend was a driver & had been sent to run errands with his boss's car.
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Rosemary nagged her husband always, for not being romantic. She accused him for not getting down to open the car door for her, as her friend Jane's husband did when he dropped her off at work.
* What Rosemary didn't know was that Jane's husband's car had a faulty door that could be opened only from the outside.
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Sampson's wife went to visit one of her long time friends & was very troubled on seeing the 3 lovely kids of her friend playing around. Her problem was that she had only one child & had been struggling to conce…

Why men remain faithful to their wives?....

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Why men remain faithful to their wives?....

Here is the Indian version - one is not sure whether Westerners would be able to fathom the depth of the essay. This is somebody's 'personal' account - as to why he remains faithful to his wife - mind you, it is just for survival.
In his own words.....
"Her multitasking always amazed me, especially when it came to Chemistry. It was 8 in the morning. In the kitchen, my wife was checking the viscosity of the sambar, the solubility of chutney & the permeability of coffee, all at the same time. The huge number of multi-sized, multi-label bottles & cans on the shelf in front of her, looked like a 17th century alchemist lab with containers of different shapes & sizes labeled in Hebrew & Arabic. Hebrew & Arabic you can learn, but here it was a different challenge. The ‘Horlicks’ bottle contained chili powder, the ‘Bournvita’ tin, salt, while the oats tin had turmeric. I won’t be surprised if the rat poison cover h…

Brevity...it is said....is the "Soul of Wit"

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Brevity...it is said....is the "Soul of Wit". Read these & introspect.....(some are old repeats, but nevertheless, good fun - still).....

* The difference between in-laws & outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
* Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families & careers!
* A fine is a tax for doing wrong; a tax is a fine for doing well.
* Archaeologist - Someone whose career lies in ruins.
* There are two kinds of people who don't say much -
Those who are quiet & those who talk a lot.
* They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who's in a hurry?
* Alcohol & calculus don't mix. Never drink & 'derive'.
* One nice thing about egoists - they don't talk about other people!


Some brilliant Puns:
1. A man who wants a pretty nurse, must be patient.
2. A man who leaps off a cliff, jumps to a conclusion.
3. A man running in front of a car gets tyred; a man running behind a car, gets exhausted.
4. War does not determine who is right; it det…

How a daughter was raised.....

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How a daughter was raised.....
(A brilliant first hand account, from a wise well meaning soul)....

"My Dad always 'sounded' it in my ears....."Simi, you must be 'tough'. Being 'girlish' & being 'ladylike', is not an excuse for 'weakness'." He says this, to me & my sisters, even today. All the children were 'raised' to do the 'masculine', as well as the 'feminine' tasks. My sisters' & I, started 'winding' a 15 KVA generator as soon as we got one. I 'learnt' how to wash a 'car' (internal & external), before I was 16. I started 'learning driving' immediately after 'secondary' school. My Dad told me, before he allowed me to drive out 'independently', that I must learn to change 'car tyres'. I remember my Dad saying to me, "If you are 'driving' on a lonely 'highway' & you need to change your 'tyre', what w…

World Elders Day.....

World Elders Day.....

There was a call from an Old Age Home to a son abroad. The son said, "It is recession here, please don't ask for any donation or financial help."
The Old Age Home Manager said, "Who asked you for any donation? Your Mom breathed her last a few hours ago."
Son: "Then I will come, as the landed property is to be dealt with."
Manager: "No it was sold two years ago, to meet the medical expenses of your ailing Dad".
Son: "Oh, I was not aware. I will send some money to conduct Mom's last rites in that case".
Manager: "No, your Mom donated her body to the medical college & some compensation may be received for that. I want your Account No. to remit the cash....that's why I called you."


Total silence from the son!

Think about this...
Respect the elderly...
Cheers...

Notices in Gujarat hotels

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All for a good Sunday morning laugh.....with no offences to one & all....these are Notices in Gujarat hotels....(bound to raise a laugh)..

In an Ahmedabad Hotel:
* It is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read this notice.


In a Baroda hotel elevator:
* The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Surat hotel lobby:
* Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Jamnagar:
* Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 - 11 am daily.

In an Ahmedabad hotel, near Gujarat College:
* You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Edwards Laundry on Relief Road, Ahmedabad: * Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Bhavnagar hotel:
* Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is requested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an Anand laundry:
* Ladies, leave your clothes he…